Rare Exports (2010)

In contrast with our Classic Christmas Monday episodes, we’re tackling THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR with some off-kilter selections so let’s go to Finland for the strange tale of a boy, his Reindeer farming father and the ancient punishment god, SANTA CLAUS, who happens to have been buried alive under a mountain right next them. A unique take on the Santa mythology in Jalmari Helander’s “RARE EXPORTS” from 2010, starring Jorma & Onni Tommila. It’s like three different movies in one with more Santa Claus dicks than you ever thought you could handle. But you can handle them. Quite easily. You even begin to find comfort in all of the Santa dicks. They’re just there and it’s ok. Also, why not kill their god and make them our slaves? Go watch this shit on Tubi and that last sentence will make more sense. Santa meat fetches a hell of a price.

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