The Projectors

The Iron Claw (2023)

(PRETTY SPOILERY EPISODE ABOUT A TRUE STORY) December is always a good month for the movie theaters and we’ve been scouting the release of today’s discussion for a while now. As pro wrestling fans, we’re pretty much in the bag for this tale of wrasslin’ and tragedy but the family turmoil presented here can still hit home for a lot of people. We’re discussing Sean Durkin’s cinematic adaptation of the Von Erich wrestling family in “THE IRON CLAW” starring a yoked Zac Effron, Jeremy Allen White, Harris Dickinson, Holt McCallany and many more. If you know anything about the Von Erich’s then you probably know this is going to be sad. There are many Von Erich in wrestling history. You had the father, Fritz Von Erich. Then you had Kevin Von Erich, Kerry Von Erich, David Von Erich, Mike Von Erich, Chris Von Erich, Lance Von Erich. One of these Von Erich’s wasn’t even a real Von Erich. All of the actual Von Erich’s listed have passed but one. Hell, one of those Von Erich’s wasn’t even in the movie because the truest form of the story is even more tragic. Not even getting into Jack, the oldest, who tragically passed when he was a small child. Shit, this family has been through it and a lot of it seemed rather avoidable in any other circumstance. It’s our last AT THE MOVIES drop of our inaugural year. Chill out with some leftovers and hear our judgement.
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It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)

MERRY CHRISTMAS! It’s that one and only day. Seems like people are mad as hell leading up to this day and can’t drive for shit but once the day gets here then it all feels all right. We culminate in our theme of THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR with this ultimate Christmas Classic. Some might say that having this movie as your favorite Christmas movie is perhaps typical. Cliche. But it’s much more typical to proclaim it as typical because this is one of the most anti-cynical movies ever made. It wasn’t even a hit in its time. Not until around the 70s did it truly become iconic holiday fare. It’s a heavy hitter that stands the test of time for a reason. Of course, we’re talking about Frank Capra’s 1946 classic “It’s A Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore & Henry Travers. Bob & Angela actually saw it in the theater as is the annual tradition of the Belcourt to show it during this time every year. There’s not much more you can say about it (we still say a lot) but maybe we can inspire you to relive it if it’s been a minute. Y’know we get choked up. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year.
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Movie Review 6 Pack: Hallmark Christmas with Lacey Chabert

It’s THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR and for the tail end of the loaded week we’re presenting you a special episode for our last episode before Christmas. You didn’t really think we would go through this month without hitting up some HALLMARK CHRISTMAS SELECTIONS did you? When we come for Hallmark we gotta go to the queen. Nah, fam. We ain’t talking about that uptight Candice Cameron Bure. No we’re doing the Holidays right with “Party of 5” and “Mean Girls” alum, LACEY CHABERT. We’re hitting up another 6 pack and it’s all Lacey Chabert Hallmark Christmas movies. Relationships fail and spring anew. Jobs keep you busy until they don’t. Mistletoe smooches? Plenty. White dudes that all kind of look the same? Of course! Single parents? A couple. Ridiculous conflicts that feel forced? Just about all of them. CHRISTMAS CHEER????? COMING OUT OF EVERY GODDAMN ORIFICE! We’re talking “Christmas in Rome” from 2019, “Christmas Waltz” from 2020, “Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe” from 2018, “The Sweetest Christmas” from 2017, “A Wish for Christmas” from 2016 and “A Christmas Melody” from 2015. That last one is directed by Mariah Carey but don’t get too excited. Half of these aren’t bad but that one is rough. Not because of Lacey Chabert. No way. She’s a perfect snow angel. You better not “Chablow” it because when it comes to Christmas, Lacey Chabert is going to “Chabring” it. Grab some pie and hear us out. Don’t make us HO HO HOLD you to it. ROFLMAO we’re totaled Hallmarked now. No going back. Never in my life have I had a roasted chestnut. Never. I didn’t even know they were actually nuts. I thought it was slang for boobies. 
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Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

It’s THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! Get out that eggnog, stoke the fire, put on that cozy sweater because we’re all going to watch a movie that will bring the whole family together. Of course we’re talking about the 1999 Stanley Kubrick Christmas Classic “EYES WIDE SHUT” starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. This “erotic” thriller didn’t really chub us out. Beautiful but cold. A jealous cold. Stanley Kubrick passed away just a few days after screening it which lends a little bit of mystery to this strange movie. It also features the tamest illuminati orgy you’ve ever seen. Like, seriously, if they just let Dr. Bill go and he went to the police, what would he say? “A bunch of men in masks and cloaks were having consensual sex with women in masks”? There would have been nothing they could do. Were any visible laws even broken? They didn’t need to kill that lady at all. The man who invented the moon landing couldn’t go harder than this? You know these sick fucks are doing shit that you truly wouldn’t want to watch. But they did kill a girl. Maybe. I think the illuminati got ahold of Angela, actually. She seems to downplay their capabilities in this episode. Did they get to her? Is she one of them? What the hell is going on here? Is this entire YouTube/Podcast channel some kind of cover for dark elitist rituals??? Who am I? Who are you? Do you think that sailor is cute? Merry Christmas.
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Poor Things (2023)

There are some good looking movies coming out at the end of this year and they’re not disappointing. We knew long ago that we were going to be watching Yorgos Lanthimos’s newest surreal comedy “Poor Things” starring Emma Stone, Mark Ruffalo, Willem Dafoe, Ramy Youssef & Jerrod Carmichael. We got a little bit of Frankenstein, some philosophical feminine and a “coming of life” story. Also, it’s steampunk. It’s surprisingly not as lame as you might think based on the word “steampunk’ but who doesn’t like stove pipe hats and telescope glasses and…what else is steam punk….air ships? Robots with handlebar mustaches? Ok, there are no robots with handlebar mustaches. Thank goodness. It’s just another strange and unique world full of fucking to behold from Yorgos Lanthimos and it doesn’t disappoint. Hear us tell of it.
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Bad Santa (2003)

It’s THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR and we’re putting some extra movies in your stocking this week leading up to Christmas and we’re discussing a modern Christmas comedy hit that’s a pretty good movie to watch if you’re not really a big fan of Christmas. There’s, maybe, only one truly good person in this movie and his name is Thurman Merman. Everybody else from the derelict Santa and the homicidal dwarf to the everyday people we briefly interact with, most everyone in this movie is pretty insufferable. Crude but relatable, we sit down and discuss Terry Zwigoff’s (Crumb, Ghost World, Art School Confidential) most successful movie to date, “BAD SANTA” from 2003 starring Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, John Ritter in his last performance, the late Bernie Mac and prime Lauren Graham. A couple of cons plot to play Santa and rob a store like they do every year, but the one playing Santa is a complete mess. He’s a Bad Santa who cons himself into the heart of a young, awkward boy, who gives him a purpose that involves attacking teenagers. It’s better than pissing yourself or running your car in the garage with a hose going from your exhaust to the driver’s seat. A crude embellishment with a pinch of heartfelt sincerity. Kind of like me. 
 
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It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947)

Going through some bonafide Christmas Classics every Monday and todays discussion is about a movie that might be slightly lesser known than the other vintage choices we discuss but no less full of seasonal joy. We’re talking about Roy Del Ruth’s Christmas comedy classic “It Happened on 5th Avenue” starring Victor Moore, Don DeFore & Gale Storm. Bonafide Hobo King, Aloysius T. McKeever, lives in the 5th Avenue mansion of the second richest man in the world when he leaves for Virginia every winter. There’s also a very relatable housing crisis going on that leads to homeless veteran Jim Bullock staying at the mansion as well. Then the millionaires daughter shows up and then the millionaire and from here things are, admittedly, contrived if not completely absurd but the movie’s comedy timing and one-liners manage to keep it going. But not without a hefty share of good will towards men. It's nuts, maybe slightly radical, and definitely not an accurate depiction of the charity of the ultra wealthy but it’s a worthy holiday comedic fantasy nonetheless.
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Rare Exports (2010)

In contrast with our Classic Christmas Monday episodes, we’re tackling THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR with some off-kilter selections so let’s go to Finland for the strange tale of a boy, his Reindeer farming father and the ancient punishment god, SANTA CLAUS, who happens to have been buried alive under a mountain right next them. A unique take on the Santa mythology in Jalmari Helander’s “RARE EXPORTS” from 2010, starring Jorma & Onni Tommila. It’s like three different movies in one with more Santa Claus dicks than you ever thought you could handle. But you can handle them. Quite easily. You even begin to find comfort in all of the Santa dicks. They’re just there and it’s ok. Also, why not kill their god and make them our slaves? Go watch this shit on Tubi and that last sentence will make more sense. Santa meat fetches a hell of a price.
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The Boy and the Heron (2023)

(VERY MILD SPOILERS) Some good stuff to see at the movie theater this Holiday season and it’s unfortunate that we can’t get to them all.  We had to go watch what many are advertising, perhaps falsely, as Hayao Miyazaki’s last movie. He’s retired at least once already but much like that veteran pro wrestler who just can’t let it go, Miyazaki perhaps doesn’t know what else to do with his time. As of this writing he has not officially retired but he is 83 and smokes so it’s hard to say for sure. A firebombed Japan is the setting for the latest Miyazaki film “The Boy and the Heron” or 君たちはどう生きるか (How Do You Live?). Mahito lost his mother. The United States (we) firebombed the hospital where she worked and now Dad has met another lady and she seems nice and has seven lady dwarf assistants but Mahito struggles to face the new mother in his life. Also there’s a Heron hanging around and starts to talk and that’s all you really need to take it from here. It’s a beautiful film absolutely without a doubt and highly recommended for the theater experience. A must for anyone who appreciates animation. It’s nice to see true beauty in this world. Hey, imagine sticking one of those Warawara things up your ass.
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Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

It’s THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR and we’re continuing down the line of obvious vintage holiday classics and you know this one was coming. Kris Kringle? 100% Real and he will definitely Santa-splain your decorations to you. He happens to come into the life of a single mother and her little girl and quickly begins healing the emotional wounds of the mother who has been intensely psychologically torturing her daughter by making sure she is never playful or imaginative. Who knows why that guy across the street wants to get with the mom but all men are whores, amiright? The consumption is redistributed here in George Seaton’s heavy hitter holiday classic “MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET” starring Edmund Gwenn, Maureen O’Hara and a pretty delightful young Natalie Wood. You know the story and the trial of the century. Great tips in this movie on how to keep a false identity. Just make sure you’re popular. Also, if Santa can’t get you a house? Then to hell with him. You can speak Dutch but you can’t get me a house? What a fraud.
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